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I don't care what I write or what I say because this is my blog. I am a heterosexual with homosexual tendencies. I know I like women in some way that I can only imagine myself screwing a women, but I am not sure if I like men. When I think of women I think of sex and when I think about men I think about family, kids, companionship. I haven't got a bf because I am not sure if I even want one. I am one confused gal. Now how do I come out to my family. I don't actually care if i come out at all. I can keep this to myself. I used to think it was nasty to be gay because I really believed that, but I now think i have been influenced by the now open gays. My grandparents are going to say I picked up a demon from someone. I don't know what happened. I was probably was always like this, but i didn't reconize it until I got to the age where I should be dating. I don't know my sexulaity right now and it makes me feel poisioned. I wish I could just get a bf and get it all over with. I am unlucky because I go to an all girls school eventhough I don't think me being a little homo has anything to do with that. In my mind I have invented or invisioned a girl named Natalia. She has white tanned pale skin. She is small on the top with huge breast. She has big legs and a soggy butt and I love her. I can't even imagine myself liking a guy a again. Something has happened to me and I wish I could fix it.
Light my Fire
I am becoming a hard working freak. My first job is coming to an end on Friday and boy am I glad. Working with other people is unbearable because people never do the right thing. I had to do a presentation on healthcare in America with two other people. All I asked was that the boy of the two ask our audiences questions so they could form opinions relate them back to others to start a disscusion. The day before we went over what we would do and he doesn't have the questions. I scream Louis where are the questions and he says I have them in my head. I look at him with disgust and move on. I have way to much faith in others. The next day is the presentation and he ask the most stupid questions. The audience start talking among themselves and people start complaining about how they don't understand. I start to argue with him in his ear while my other partner starts to pick up Louis' mistakes. Idiot. What the hell did he think would happen? I was so upset because I hate not being prepared for my work. I could slapped him around with my evil glare. Another reason why I hate working with others is because they don't do their work and try to blame on me. It was my job to write a letter for this petition we were starting up. I wrote the letter and they said it wasn't formal enough so I gave the job to this girl named T. She says she will go home and write the letter over the weekend and I believe her so I do no work. On the Monday-did she have the letter? No! She says that she emailed me for help and that I should of looked at my email. I don't look at my email unless I have to. Now T isn't an idiot. She is hard working like myself, but she sure is something else to say I should of emailed her so we could do it together. Ahh it wasn't my job anymore. Why can't people just do what they are supposed to do. I take on the jobs that no one else wants so people will do jobs that they feel com fortable doing. The amount of time it takes to fix another person's mistakes is way to long. I could of done both projects all by myself without all the bull crap in between.
Wedding Crashers Recovery
I went to go see Wedding Crashers with a friend about three weeks ago, and I still feel like I am in the after movie recovery. First of all, I am not one of those movie critics or anything like that, but I thought Wedding Crashers was terrible. Not to offend anybody, but it was white humor all the way around. Corny like I don't know what. The movie was obviously made for a white audience, but my God what happened to basic, funny humor. I tried to movie hop and get out of it, but I got caught by the guard so I had to lie my way back into the terrible movie. I spent fifteen dollars at the movie cinema that day. Sadly, I really wanted to laugh that day which I did at the audience. Everytime the audience laughed, I would laugh at them cracking up at the fact that they were laughing at something not funny at all. I am sure I am not the only minority who felt this way who saw Wedding Crashers. I looked over to see some hispanics laughing casually, but not dying like the white movie goers. My friend and I were two of three black girls in the cinema and neither of us found it amusing. Anyways, I am still in recovery. I keep wondering where my fifteen dollars went, and why I didn't just save it. I don't know what it is those white movie goers saw in that movie,but there is an obvious reason I don't have to mention. I am going to say different strokes for different folks. I'll be in full recovery when I go see that war movie tomarrow.
